Enough Rope To Hang Myself

 Man’s goings are of the Lord; how can a man then understand his own way?

~ Proverbs 20:24 

Anything of the Lord means He’s behind it, which means He wanted it for reasons unknown to me.  God’s will is what God wants.

“Man’s goings are of the Lord; how can a man then understand his own way?”  This really helps when I sit here wondering, Why the heck did I do that?  Say that?  or What’s my problem?

Good or bad, God’s got a reason, which I may never know, for everything that happens.  It’s not always so clear why a thing had to happen.  But there are times when I look back where I can see why a certain thing had to happen, because if it didn’t, then the other thing that happened wouldn’t have happened, and so on.

Derailed

We all know the old stories of somebody who yells in frustration because he missed the train, only to learn later that it derailed and everyone on board was killed…and similar such stories.  It’s not always quite that dramatic, but it can be.

I have lots of stories like that—no train derailments, thank God—but…well, let me tell you about a string of happenings to give you an idea of what I mean. A list of events (not exhaustive, but enough) where I didn’t “understand my own way” but know now that my “goings” were of the Lord because of where they led me.

What If…

You’ve heard of “what-if” theories.  They use them in economics, politics, and various other fields of study, so please allow me to use the “what-if” concept here to help me expound on my above comments (without going into long, but, dare I admit, true stories).

Okay, here goes:

What if my hands became disabled several years ago, and what if I couldn’t work? And, what if, as a result I lost my house (and everything else)?  And what if I turned to “spirituality” and became an expert on the New Age, meditation, yoga, emptying my mind, even on learning Sanskrit?

And what if yoga meant yoke (it does), and connect with (yup) and what if I did.  

Then, what if I started to get tired of sadness and heartache and blamed it all on God because He used us as pawns and cared not for our trials and pain?

What if I read countless books on going deeper within myself, like The  Sacred Self by Wayne Dyer, and so many others?  What if I meditated for long intervals and opened my mind to the so-called Oneness “out there”?

Then, what if loud bangings over the living room ceiling at night started (when I knew there was nothing overhead but the roof and the stars).  What if a lot of mice came, strange mosquitoes and flies that didn’t fly but stayed attached to one place for long hours, and what if all my flowering plants which I’d nurtured for years before I’d moved in, both inside the house and outside, got attacked by some unknown creeping crud and died?

And what if my computer started turning itself on in the middle of the night, with someone talking loudly or even screaming?  And what if the car radio turned itself on once while I was driving and then again after I’d turned it off?

And what if a snake showed up in my yard?  And what if I almost got killed by a huge truck while in my little car on the way to work?  And what if the day after that, I came home and found my formerly healthy, beloved dog dead?

Looking for Comfort

And what if I later turned on YouTube desperately looking for my Vedanta guru named Mooji, a Jamaican man living in India who used to be a Christian, who I’d set my alarm for at 7 am on my day off to watch him online live.  Now, I was looking for comfort in his words for the heavy grief I felt for my sweet dog, my buddy of twelve years.  I did find something Mooji said briefly, on Guilt, of which I had plenty.  And yes I hung on his every word.

But then what if I clicked on, of all things, a Christian preacher while going through YouTube?  I won’t say his name, it doesn’t matter.  (You’d know him; he’s not perfect; none of us are; but I’ve since learned he does know how to expound on the King James Bible, unlike many.)

Surrender

I was the type who ran when I saw someone come near me with a Bible who was going to tell me to repent because the end was near.  As an ex-Catholic, I had always believed in God, but in the midst of turmoil, had gotten very angry with him and had turned away (a joke, right?  the pot yelling at the Potter?).  My New Age spirituality had become my new solace.

Okay, so what if I listened to this online preacher for at least a half-hour and what if he said, If you have nothing left to lose (or words of a similar vein), stand up and ask Jesus to help you.  Tell Him you believe in Him.”

What if I stood up from my chair, right on the spot where I’d found my lifeless pet-best-friend, and what if I finally gave up.  What if I just gave up and sobbed my eyes out, body slumped, barely standing, and said, “Jesus, I don’t know anything, but if You are who this man says you are, then You are what I need.  Please help me.”

Happy Birthday

Then what if the next day was my birthday and for a birthday present I got an eviction notice from my landlady (her daughter wanted the house I was renting).

That was three and a half years ago.

I still can’t write her name here, my beloved dog, or even talk about her without getting choked up or outright crying.  The apartment I found (another string of what ifs, maybe for a Part 2).

Man’s goings are of the Lord; how can a man then understand his own way?

~ Proverbs 20:24 

The Lord had me go through my “goings” and later I understood my own way that I had followed, outside of God’s wings of protection. I was committing the sin He hates the most, worshipping other gods, but without realizing what I was doing, and He had mercy on me, but I had to suffer first, then see the light.  The Cross before the Resurrection.  Baptism into His Holy Spirit.

Yoga, meditation, and emptying of the mind promised to yoke me with the gods and even become god myself.  Well, it worked, but what they neglected  to tell me is the “gods” are just dark spirits, the devil’s angels.  I got too good at what I was practicing and they moved in on me and my life, first slowly, then overwhelmingly obviously.

The Real Question

So the big question became: What if I got so good at my “practice” of yoga and meditation that I connected and yoked with every dark spirit in town.

Well that’s just what happened, but apparently God saw fit to punish me for my ungodly ways, then gave me enough rope to hang myself (almost literally).  Who knew?  (I pray for Mooji that he will return to his Christian roots.)

The apostle Paul said, “…forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”

~ Philippians 3:13-14

That’s me.  When I moved I tossed all my books, CDs, and DVDs regarding the new age and yoga and the Self.  I didn’t burn them, but I didn’t sell them or give them away, either. Just threw them in the trash where they belong.  I don’t dabble in even the slightest bit of it anymore, and continue to press toward the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

I’m Not the Only One!

Here are some excellent books written by those who underwent similar experiences:

I believe all the books listed here are available in both paperback and eBook or PDF.  I realize this is a controversial subject and many will insist that yoga is just exercise, but I ask you to read, watch and listen to the following with an open mind (but don’t open your mind TOO much!   :- )

Suggested Readings:

  1. Death of a Guru: A Remarkable True Story of One Man’s Search for Truth  (formerly published as Escape into the Light), by Rabindranath R Maharaj with Dave Hunt, 1977, 1984.
  2. The Light That Was Dark: From The New Age To Amazing Grace, by Warren Smith, 1992, 2005.
  3. Out of India: A True Story About The New Age Movement, by Carol Matrisciana, 2008.
  4. The Beautiful Side of Evil, by Johanna Michaelsen, 1982.
  5. The Seduction of Evil: Spiritual Discernment in the Last Days, by Dave Hunt and T.A. McMahon, 1985, 1986.

Videos (the best two of the four videos I had saved, have since been deleted…hmm…), but I’m sure there are new ones out there I haven’t seen yet.  Here are two:

  1. Yoga and The Emerging Church, a Dave Hunt interview
  2. Yoga and the Occult: Ex Witch Tells All, a woman named Beth tells her story

Avoid yoga and keep pressing toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus who saved a wretch like me.  Hallelujah and Amen!

Author: Valerie Serrano

Valerie Serrano has a master of fine arts degree in creative writing and a bachelor of arts in psychology. Valerie taught English and writing in New York for seven years (1996-2003), and has been teaching creative writing classes online through www.LetsWrite.com and in Santa Rosa, California, where she now resides, since 2012. Her small business is called Let's Write! from which she also offers editing, self-publishing help, and more (such as motivation to good but scared writers). Val loves every minute of it, especially when students have the gumption to take their writing from first (very) rough draft to (self) published. Valerie has self-published her own novel called The Archangel of Hamilton Beach and a children’s picture book, Horses Talk Funny, both available on Amazon and via her blog. Val loves to say: So, Let's Write!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s